After taking a two weeks break, I returned today with chapter 23 of 139: In Evening. I guess you can consider this post as a ‘Thoughts On’ the chapter as well. Lots of things happened since the month turned into July. For one, it is my ORD month. That means it is the final month in which I am serving my compulsory 2 years conscription in the Singapore Armed Forces. I’ve also commissioned the Guzzardi twins, as contemplated in my previous post for book cover illustration for The Number 139. I’m really excited about that one. You can check out their Deviantart page to show your support!
One thing I noticed now that my ORD date is nearing is that I am sky-rocketing out of my depression period. I have not felt so elated and ‘myself’ in nearly two years, which makes this my longest and most serious period of depression to date. That’s part and parcel the reason why I decided to take the two weeks break from writing my weekly serials. My body, having been locked down in a constant state anhedonia for far too long, and the sudden surge in my mental capacity has left me struggling to catch up physically.
This can be tough on the writing process. When writing, I have to force my body to stay in front of the computer for maybe hours on end, and the fact that my mind and body is running in completely different directions made continuous concentration an incredibly strenuous thing to do. I had wanted to write Where the Stories Go during these two weeks, but inevitably, ended up failing at that as well. I did get to 3.5k words, which is somewhat impressive if I do say so myself, but I doubt I’ll be able to release it in time for the Summer Writing Project on JukePop.
Most people thing having a mental illness means the effects are only on your mind. That’s not true, as is this case. Because of the battle between mania and depression, my body and mind had been having a tug-of-war. Physically, I’m still sluggish, my body stuck in ‘depression mode’. Wanting to sleep and stay in bed and do absolutely nothing. However, my mind is running off wild, which made insomnia a nightly thing for the past week. It had only been the past few days in which my body had started to readjust to a normal, non-depressed life that the black rings around my eyes had faded somewhat and I had the energy to go back into focused writing.
You can see the effects in chapter 23, where the start seemed to be slow and sluggish as I struggle to write, and towards the middle and end, there’s sort of a quick jump in the horror mind game as my brain gets into the mood and mindset to write the affectionately hard, horror genre. Which is why I look up to horror writers. Horror is the hardest genre to write in my honest opinion. Very rarely can a person convey fear in words. Speaking of horror, check out my friend, Brent Evesson’s writing sometime. He’s one extremely talented writer, but admittedly, lacks motivation. His horror stuff though are insanely good. Here’s his Roper and one of my personal favourite, The Rocking Chair.