I tributed a poem to Robin Williams a few weeks back. And I still can’t get the man out of my mind. I mean, this makes no sense to me. When Steve Irwin and Michael Jackson died, I glanced the news. I mean, I accepted their contributions to their respective fields and everything, but Robin Williams just made me went “Wow…he’s dead. Really dead.”
And I can’t get it out of my head. I’m hoping I can write myself into clarity. Bare with me as I ramble on.
It makes absolutely no sense to me. I’m not in America, and I didn’t specifically grow up watching him. I’ve watched Dead Poet Society, Night at the Museum, Jumanji and Patch Adams, and that’s about it. Yet, I feel like he’s one of those actors that I can’t see not being there. It’s like the inside of me is just feeling weird because he’s just not there any more. He’s one of the people I thought would die of old age.
But I guess that sorts of his charm. He’s ingrained himself into out culture. He did many films, most of them with very, very deep meanings behind them. Very thoughtful art. And he really shines because looking back, he doesn’t seem to be acting. He’s being himself. And that’s a very personal thing. He’s putting himself onto the screen. Not just a character. He is the very characters that he’s acting as.
And the fact that he died from suicide just hits me hard. You can never see it from his shows that he was in such pain that it drove him to suicide. It’s the epitome of the acting abilities of people going through long term depression. It’s what we always do. For lasting as long as he did, I’m being saddened, inspired, angered (that he lost), and happy that he moved on, all at the same time.
I’m reading celebrity Tweets about the man right now, and I’m starting to grasp why he had such an impact. I’m am also recalling the very day when I heard the news.
I was at working at the shitty production house. I just got into office, turned on my computer, and the literal first news I saw of the day was that Robin Williams was dead. I was stunned being words. I was also confused because I was stunned beyond words for a celebrity I did not follow. My boss came in and said, “Did you read? Robin Williams just died,” and I just nodded blankly. She told said, “Oh well,” and told me to work hard and left. I just sat there like an idiot. For the whole of the day, I could not get his death out of my mind.
Wait, I figured out why his death affected me so much.
I’m going to say something selfish here. He reminds me of me. Or at least, who I want to be. A good person, who makes people laugh at the expense of his own happiness. I’m not trying to brag. That’s really the type of person I want to become. The fact that he succeeded, I guess, meant much more to me than I had known. Without knowing it, he had become one of my hero.
From now on, that’s how I want to remember him.