I started this blog intending to focus on having it just keep a record of my writings. Slowly though, it turned into more of a focus on my BD. I mean, talking about my bipolar is all good since without it, I’d probably not be able to write the stories I do. But it doesn’t mean I want to solely talk about BD all the time. I’ll try to mix things up from now on with this first part from (hopefully) many more to come on writing with BD.
Like all other writers, I get musings about my own works at time. Sometimes I get stuck at a chapter, a plot point or character development that I either cannot resolve or have trouble going through with writing it. Like Chapter 14 for 139: In Evening. It was, and I won’t lie, tough to write (Spoiler) Joshua’s death scene. He, along with Sister and Tim were the first characters to be developed in the original 139 years ago, though in the original plot, he died too. Just at a later time I guess.
But back on track. Everyone can write. But not all can write stories. In my honest opinion, I think one of the hardest thing to do in writing fiction is to kill off a character and make that death absolute. No deus ex machina, no miracle potion. A period death. I’m not sure how others do it, but over time, I’ve learnt how to tune, under non-stressful conditions, into the two spectrum of bipolar. Depressed and manic. While writing (Spoiler) Joshua’s death, I had to really enter quite a manic phase to be able plough through the scene.
I find I write faster and more urgently when I’m manic, but the quality would sometimes suffer. Depressed have the exact opposite effect where I’d be lucky to get in 1000 words a month (I’m currently clocking in around 7000), but I personally find the storytelling in those words to be really good, even by my self-beating standards.
Truthfully, I’m not sure how I’d be able to write without bipolar and I think it’s not possible now that I’ve hit the half-life mark for having the disorder. It’s become my norm now, so might as well use it to the best of its abilities.